What to do

I don't know how to act or feel. I cant keep pretending that everything is ok. I cant do it anymore. I call him and we talk like nothing is different.

He has started invading my privacy now also. He has been demanding passwords for emails and personal items and he wants to know where I am every second of the day. I am loosing it. He joined facebook and added all my friends that I have made from my travel abroad experience. He is afraid that I am messing around behind his back. I have NEVER done anything behind his back and we are separated so there is not much that he could say about it anyway.

His family is involving themselves way too much in my business also and they are making him worried about our relationship. There is a picture on my facebook where I am leaning into a guy for a picture. His family is asking him all these questions like "you let her do that?" The guy in the picture is truly just my friend... Nothing there. And I'm not looking for anything right now.

Let me tell you that his family is SUPER Christian and they feel that women should not be friends with men unless there is a connection through the husband. I don't know if they know the true magnitude of what he has done. He says that he has told them everything but he is the master of deceit.

He did tell me that he started to watch porn the other night and felt bad and turned it off. I know that it has only been a month but I just want things to be better. I need them to be better.

I am having him up here within the next month so that I can talk to him face to face. I think that will be good for me. What do you think?

Am I IN love?

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days. I don't know if I will be able to stay with Brian. I don't know if this is an initial reaction or if this will be forever but my love for him is fading. I still love him but I am not IN love with him.

I don't think that he is taking this separation seriously. He keeps telling me that it is JUST a break. I view this separation to be far more than a break.

The other day we got in a fight about everything. He told his whole family about the separation and now there is ever more judgement coming my way. His whole family has been commenting on my myspace about how they don't see a ring on my finger. They are also commenting about me being in pictures with guys. I don't understand how they are going to assume that these guys are my lovers now. I am in a foreign country making friends and when we go out in a group (a mix of both guys and girls) why it is not ok to take pictures with people of either sex without assumptions. I don't understand why it is any ones business either. I took my ring off because I am separated from my husband and for them to bring attention to that somewhere where it can be seen by all my friends and family is not ok by me.

Every single one of Brian's family feels that the separation is not needed and shouldn't have happened. My side of the family is happy that I made this decision. It seems that no matter what I do, someone will be unhappy(Not that I am aiming for their happiness in this situation).

I just hate that he is the one that has done something yet I get the judgement.

Step Mother

Things are getting harder and harder by the day. I feel that I could never stop loving him and I don't know if I want to stop. I am getting so much pressure from my family to leave him. My soon to be step mother Vicky stated in and email to me that if I stay with him that "it is a very clear indicator of your values and your state of mental and emotional health". How is someone that I don't know very well going to tell me what my values and emotional state are because I choose to stay with my husband.

This lady has brought nothing but hell to our family and is trying to continue this hell into my current marriage.

The story behind Vicky goes as follows.

My mother died two years ago from an "accidental overdose" of Oxycontin. Turns out she was addicted to the drug and had been for many years. She discovered that if she chewed the medicine that it gave a heroin like effect. It also turns out that our doctor had been over prescribing her medicine for years. So when my sisters found her on the floor after church one night, that's when it my life changed for the worst.

My dad became depressed and lonely, as any normal human being world after loosing their wife of 25 years. After only three months he began looking for someone. Our councilors told us that this was not healthy and he needed to take some more time for healing. He didn't like that idea so he found a new councilor. He went on all kinds of dating sites and started dating women half his age. He would tell me about girls that were 23 to 25. Now I am only 20 so they could be my sisters. Then he got involved with match.com and found Vicky. They "fell in love" and a few months later got engaged. Their engagement didn't last long though. Vicky is the kind of person that needs no one but herself.

Somehow they got over their differences and began to "fall in love" again. She is controlling and mean to my dad and his children. They are currently engaged again and living together as of recently. I don't like her. Its not that I don't want him to be happy. He has brought home some women that I absolutely loved and adored, but Vicky is no such thing.

So now this lady who I barely know is telling me that I NEED a divorce and NEED a councilor. I understand the importance of a councilor, don't get me wrong, but if I am going to be forced to see one, that will not go over well. I don't know what to do about this woman. She is not welcome in my life but I am being forced to live with the fact that my dad might spend the rest of his life with her.

Needless to say, I told Vicky to stop emailing me because she is stressing me out. I know everything that she is telling me but she insists on talking to me like I am ten. She also talks to me as if I am the one at fault. It must be my fault because I choose to marry a man who I KNEW would do this. Is this right?

Lost

Brian and I have now decided to become separated. I really don't know what this means yet. I don't know how to feel about this either. I know that it will be hard for both of us but the distance that we have literally between us should help some. I feel lost inside. I feel like there is no one out there who knows what I am going through. I cant talk to any of my friends about the separation or what he has done because of the judgement that both he and I would face. I don't want my loved ones to know. He is a good man who has made some very poor choices and now has to face to consequences.

I need him to know how much he has hurt me and everyone around him. I am scared to have children with him. I never thought that Brian could potently prey after our own children. Having children is something that is really important to me and I need to figure out if there is any possibility that he might get better and be able to have our children.

My whole family is pushing me to divorce him. I don't know what to do or who to turn to for help. He has been banished from the family, never to visit, never to talk, never to see them. Its really hard to think that there will never be a family portrait with him in it. There will never be Christmas at my dads. There will be no birthday celebrations with him there. How do I pull through this? How do I place enough attention on Brian who did this to himself and my family who has done nothing?

I don't know what to do....