I have been trying to figure out Brian's behavior patterns for years. Whenever he does something that he knows is wrong, he will do whatever it is in a way that he will get caught doing it.
For instance, last year I found out that he liked my best friend. Brian is the one who made himself known. We had all been hanging out and I had to stay at home to finish up some of my homework so he took Amanda home. While in the car he tried to hold her hand. She refused and came over to my house the next day to talk about the situation. She said that he had been texting her a lot lately and that she didn't think anything of it because they were good friends. Then she told me about the grabbing for her hand that Brian had attempted and that she thought that this was wrong. I mean of course it was wrong. As I thought about it, one of Brian's fantasies was to see me with another woman. After talking to him about the situation, he admitted that she was the woman he wanted me to be with. This instance was the first time that divorce was ever talked about.
The way that Brian went about this current instance doesn't surprise me. I think that he wanted to be caught. He would never, EVER ask for help. This is by no way or form an excuse for what he has done. I would never want anyone to think that I think what he has done is alright in my book. I think that he has committed a disgusting act and I hope that he has to pay for what he has done.
I don't know if I have mentioned this, but Brian also has a porn addiction. He has been dealing with this addiction since he was ten.Now there is a difference in being addicted to porn and just watching porn. Lets just say that he has ruined three computers because the viruses have made it to the hard drive.
There is also a history of sexual abuse as a child. Brian was raped by his brother for years and no one believed him including his mother. This has caused him a lot of hardship in the past. In fact the porn addiction started with the rapes. His brother later apologized for what he had done but Brian's mother refuses to believe that it was happening in her house. This also could have triggered the pedophilia tendencies that Brian is now experiencing.
I don't know. These are all just thoughts.
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6 comments:
Susie Q! This is all such hard stuff. I just want to send you big hugs as you work through all of this.
I think that everyone feels love and empathy for the child who is raped. So few people seem to be able to find that love and empathy when those untreated wounds become the infection that poisons the mind of the adult that child grows into.
You are in a tough place. My thoughts and prayers for healing are with you and your husband.
Susie Q, I'm so sorry you're going through this. All of it fits under the umbrella of sex addiction--the porn, the flirting, the inappropriate texts. You seem to be in a good place and realize that this is in no way about you and in every way about your husband's addiction. My thoughts and prayers are with you as well.
SusieQ,
You actually seem to have some really clear thinking go on. Your husband's behavior is consistent with someone continuously abused as a child. It sounds like he reacted to it with severe sexual overstimulation. Hopefully, he can get some focus on healing those childhood wounds.
Hi Susie, just checking in to make sure you're okay. You're in my thoughts.
--Margaux
Susie Q!
Just happened to be flipping through blogs, and yours hit me in the face! My best friend is going through something extremely similar right now, and when I read your story it was very hard not to cry. She is very confused also, and only has me to bear her burden with. (Her family and other friends are the same way yours is about the whole thing). Granted, his obsession with internet porn seems to have taken a really twisted turn lately, including incest sites and "Super Hot Young Tweens!!!!'. Anyway, I will be updating my blog with her story, identity protected of course, but you are welcome to comment any time and maybe we could talk some? I try to be as supportive to my friend as I can, but a fresh point of view ALWAYS helps.
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